Ah, another living human! I can’t tell you how rare that is around here. I’m DI Karl Blackman – retired, but as the saying goes “once a copper, always a copper.” Can I buy you a drink?
Excellent, a good choice. Ignore what Harry says. He thinks rum is the answer to everything. Have a cold? Have some rum! Milk gone off? Put rum in your tea instead. Seagulls deposited something on your car? Rum will get that off. Want to get pregnant, feeling constipated, got a paper cut? You get the idea…
As you have probably guessed from the fact you could physically touch my hand when you shook it, I’m the only live person in the village.
I came here about two years ago now with my wife – sorry my soon to be ex-wife Valarie. All was well until our new friends showed up. She decided she didn’t want to share the village with the ghosts. I didn’t want to go back to Cambridgeshire so here we are.
What is being a retired detective like? Well, it’s not as though I have nothing to do. I’m chronicling the recent history of Salmonweir, for starters. I like to feel I’m getting quite good at it. I’m on the Village Council, one of four permanent members and human-spirit liaison. If anyone has a problem.
Oh, sorry? No I definitely did not say Eli and Jowan. I coughed.
If anyone has a problem, they come to me to mediate. There isn’t usually much to do if I’m honest between the odd murder.
Talking of which, the book about the first incident should be published soon. Nasty business, but I got there in the end. Once the publishers are happy with the typesetting, cover and everything else, I’m going to make a start on what happened at Christmas just a few months later.
Please don’t be alarmed by the dark shadow that just passed over my face. I can’t and shouldn’t say anything, really. If it didn’t make it into the newspapers, that, at least, is something positive to come out of the sorry affair.
Please, don’t let me keep you. Have a look around the village. Most people here are nice so don’t be afraid to say hello!