Pub Gossip (Blog)

I’m Pastor Eli, hello. Will we see you at the church?

I don’t know what Brother Jowan told you about me, but I assure you very little of it is likely true. That man exists purely to taunt me and he tells the other villagers lies about me all the time just to turn them against me. Luckily, most people don’t believe him. Every Sunday, my congregation is larger than his.

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Hello, I’m Brother Jowan, the Priest of the Church here

Delighted to meet you, stranger. I was, perhaps for about 20 minutes, the Salmonweir resident who lived the the furthest back in time. I say for about 20 minutes because shortly after that I believe Kensa appeared. She’s the red haired woman over there with the sword. Oh, you’ve met? Fine, fine.

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I was queen of these lands once

Before the Romans came, this was a green and healthy land. We didn’t have the big towns and cities that they built, with their filthy water and animal waste. The Dumnonii were a proud people and we were clean. We were strong and we were feared.

Of course, nothing is left of our imposing fortresses, not any more. They were big and strong unlike the tribes across the Tamar with their weird hill forts.

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Captain Harry’s the name, mighty pirate!

Hey, landlubber! Come over here and let me introduce meself.

What might your name be then? Oh, lovely to meet you. Shake me hand there, that’s a good fella. Ha! You can’t ’cause I’m a ghost see! hahaha, just kidding with ya, fine fella.

Hook Hand Harry, that’s what they call me, or just Harry. You notice I don’t have no hooks no more. Well, I weren’t born with no metal hands and metal hands aint got no soul so it didn’t come back with me, see?

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DI Karl Blackman, Pleased to Meet You

Ah, another living human! I can’t tell you how rare that is around here. I’m DI Karl Blackman – retired, but as the saying goes “once a copper, always a copper.” Can I buy you a drink?

Excellent, a good choice. Ignore what Harry says. He thinks rum is the answer to everything. Have a cold? Have some rum! Milk gone off? Put rum in your tea instead. Seagulls deposited something on your car? Rum will get that off. Want to get pregnant, feeling constipated, got a paper cut? You get the idea…

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Welcome to the King’s Head!

the kings head salmonweir

Make yourself at home, dear visitor. Take a menu and a copy of our extensive cider list. No pub in Cornwall has quite so many ciders.

We have more cider than beer but as a free house, we carefully select all our brews. Talking of which, we do tea and recently got a coffee barista thingy for people who just want coffee in all its forms.

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What and Where is Salmonweir?

Welcome to our gorgeous little village. We’re tucked away on the south coast of Cornwall in an area known as West Penwith. For those who know Cornwall, we’re located about halfway between Treen and Lamorna Cove. There are two reasons Salmonweir is largely ignored. They are called Mousehole and Porthcurno.

We don’t mind. We like being out of the way, an undiscovered gem, if you like. We do get tourists in the summer, but it is never so many as to overwhelm the place. Now that the living persons have all gone bar one, and the majority residents are ghosts, that could change.

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