Read Salmonweird: Chapters 1-3 Now!

If you’re dithering over whether to spend just £4.99 of your hard-earned cash on this ebook or £9.99 on the hard copy, never fear. I want you to decide whether this book would be for you before you buy it. That’s why I’m giving away three chapters for free right here.

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Transcript of a Public Talk about the Salmonweird Books

From Friday 8th November 2019
Host: DI (Retired) Karl Blackman
Minutes taken by Village Committee Secretary Babajide

Hello and welcome to the village hall here at Salmonweir, ladies and gentlemen of the local press and book fans alike. It’s so good to see you all here today. I must admit, we didn’t quite expect so many of you.

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I’m Pastor Eli, hello. Will we see you at the church?

I don’t know what Brother Jowan told you about me, but I assure you very little of it is likely true. That man exists purely to taunt me and he tells the other villagers lies about me all the time just to turn them against me. Luckily, most people don’t believe him. Every Sunday, my congregation is larger than his.

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I was queen of these lands once

Before the Romans came, this was a green and healthy land. We didn’t have the big towns and cities that they built, with their filthy water and animal waste. The Dumnonii were a proud people and we were clean. We were strong and we were feared.

Of course, nothing is left of our imposing fortresses, not any more. They were big and strong unlike the tribes across the Tamar with their weird hill forts.

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Captain Harry’s the name, mighty pirate!

Hey, landlubber! Come over here and let me introduce meself.

What might your name be then? Oh, lovely to meet you. Shake me hand there, that’s a good fella. Ha! You can’t ’cause I’m a ghost see! hahaha, just kidding with ya, fine fella.

Hook Hand Harry, that’s what they call me, or just Harry. You notice I don’t have no hooks no more. Well, I weren’t born with no metal hands and metal hands aint got no soul so it didn’t come back with me, see?

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DI Karl Blackman, Pleased to Meet You

Ah, another living human! I can’t tell you how rare that is around here. I’m DI Karl Blackman – retired, but as the saying goes “once a copper, always a copper.” Can I buy you a drink?

Excellent, a good choice. Ignore what Harry says. He thinks rum is the answer to everything. Have a cold? Have some rum! Milk gone off? Put rum in your tea instead. Seagulls deposited something on your car? Rum will get that off. Want to get pregnant, feeling constipated, got a paper cut? You get the idea…

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What and Where is Salmonweir?

Welcome to our gorgeous little village. We’re tucked away on the south coast of Cornwall in an area known as West Penwith. For those who know Cornwall, we’re located about halfway between Treen and Lamorna Cove. There are two reasons Salmonweir is largely ignored. They are called Mousehole and Porthcurno.

We don’t mind. We like being out of the way, an undiscovered gem, if you like. We do get tourists in the summer, but it is never so many as to overwhelm the place. Now that the living persons have all gone bar one, and the majority residents are ghosts, that could change.

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