Short Story: A Salmonweird Lockdown (spoiler free)

Can you think of a more delightful small pleasure than eating breakfast (pot of tea and toast with locally produced honey) on the patio with the doors wide open?

No?

Me neither.

I switched the heating off last night and today I have all the windows and doors open.

Thank the heavens, spring is finally here!

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I’m Pastor Eli, hello. Will we see you at the church?

I don’t know what Brother Jowan told you about me, but I assure you very little of it is likely true. That man exists purely to taunt me and he tells the other villagers lies about me all the time just to turn them against me. Luckily, most people don’t believe him. Every Sunday, my congregation is larger than his.

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Hello, I’m Brother Jowan, the Priest of the Church here

Delighted to meet you, stranger. I was, perhaps for about 20 minutes, the Salmonweir resident who lived the the furthest back in time. I say for about 20 minutes because shortly after that I believe Kensa appeared. She’s the red haired woman over there with the sword. Oh, you’ve met? Fine, fine.

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I was queen of these lands once

Before the Romans came, this was a green and healthy land. We didn’t have the big towns and cities that they built, with their filthy water and animal waste. The Dumnonii were a proud people and we were clean. We were strong and we were feared.

Of course, nothing is left of our imposing fortresses, not any more. They were big and strong unlike the tribes across the Tamar with their weird hill forts.

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Captain Harry’s the name, mighty pirate!

Hey, landlubber! Come over here and let me introduce meself.

What might your name be then? Oh, lovely to meet you. Shake me hand there, that’s a good fella. Ha! You can’t ’cause I’m a ghost see! hahaha, just kidding with ya, fine fella.

Hook Hand Harry, that’s what they call me, or just Harry. You notice I don’t have no hooks no more. Well, I weren’t born with no metal hands and metal hands aint got no soul so it didn’t come back with me, see?

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DI Karl Blackman, Pleased to Meet You

Ah, another living human! I can’t tell you how rare that is around here. I’m DI Karl Blackman – retired, but as the saying goes “once a copper, always a copper.” Can I buy you a drink?

Excellent, a good choice. Ignore what Harry says. He thinks rum is the answer to everything. Have a cold? Have some rum! Milk gone off? Put rum in your tea instead. Seagulls deposited something on your car? Rum will get that off. Want to get pregnant, feeling constipated, got a paper cut? You get the idea…

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